It was the middle of winter in 2010. I sat out on our country gravel driveway talking on the cell phone with my wife, Tara, who was out of town. I was nearly out of my mind riddled with severe anxiety, feelings of doom, sensations of wanting to crawl out of my skin, intense physical pain, and a relentless parade of macabre thoughts. I couldn’t stand another day. Evening was drawing in and I knew the symptoms were always much worse at night. After three months of relentless torment, I wanted to die. Surely pressing the muzzle of our handgun to my chest and pulling the trigger would be better than another night in hell.
Little did I know but this was the start of a five-year (and counting) journey into the world of Biotoxin Illness – also called Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS). It was only through the grace of having a very good friend near-by that I’m still alive today. As I sat out on the drive my wife suggested I go see James. As soon as the words fell out of her mouth, I knew this was my only chance. I called. He was home. I threw some clothes in the car and was driving toward help – toward someone that loved me and along with his wife Annie would provide a place for me to feel cared for.
And perhaps this is as good as place as any to enter into the world of blogging. I’m trying to repay the debt of gratitude that I have to my wife, friends, and all the wonderful healers I’ve worked with. I’m trying to provide a roadmap for all my family members who suffer from the same illness and perhaps a few other individuals who suffer from similar maladies. I’m trying to tell you about not only the alternative medicine modalities that helped but also to kindly offer up a bit of advice that I found useful.
So with that preface, I reference the sign on my wall behind my desk. It states, “When it hurts to look back, and you’re afraid to look ahead; look beside you and there will be your friends.” If it wasn’t for the loved ones around me, I wouldn’t have made it. It took me three months of hell before I realized the importance of reaching out for help. Even then, it took prompting from my wife. How foolish was I.
I love you Tara. I love you James. I love you Paulo. My love to you all…
It cost my wife and I our entire life’s savings to bring me back from the brink. After having been through CIRS hell, I vowed to try to help others by writing down some of what I’ve learned. Hundreds of hours later, and this site was created.
A lot of people spend over an hour reading content on this site. If you’re one of these people, please use the Amazon link at the bottom of any page when you go shopping. I need all the encouragement I can get! Conventional medicine has failed us. If we don’t help each other, where does that leave us?
May you be well, happy, and free.